Butterflies

Since attending college, I have interviewed for 9 different jobs or positions on campus and off campus. My first interview was to be a SOS leader. I was nervous. My palms were sweaty, my stomach felt slightly twisted, and I was praying with all my might that I wouldn't say something stupid. However, I walked out confident and after being rejected at first was then accepted to be a leader.

According to my butteflies once again, I was nervous for the next interviews I had, which subsequently one was for SOS Director, but felt as though I could trust God to guide me through. As I walked through the interviews and application processes over the past years, I received some of the positions I applied for and didn't receive some as one would have it. However, one thing I did receive after attending the first interview and each thereafter was a higher sense of confidence. I felt as though I had heard as many interview questions one could ever hear and was well prepared to answer them. I stumbled every once in a while, but was able to pick my words back up and keep going.

Well, yesterday would mark my 10th interview since being at college. The interview was for an internship at RockHarbor Church. And for the first time since that first interview, I was nervous. My hands weren't sweaty, but I definitely felt those butterflies. I walked into the interview and was followed by three young men who worked at RockHarbor. It was probably one of the most laidback interviews I have ever been in. Each of the guys was wearing t-shirts, jeans and flip flops — my normal attire. For the interview though, I had dressed in a trendy, but professional dress and heels. I immediately felt out of character, but was reassured by their relaxed behavior it wouldn't matter.

However, as laid back as the interview was, for the first time since that SOS interview, I could not kick the butterflies out. I left the interview and immediately began thinking over every little thing I said, trying to remember when I rambled and what they smiled at and didn't smile at for that matter. I still have butterflies as I write about it right now. The funny thing is I've felt more prepared to do every other position I've applied for whether or not I had experience. The position at RH is a journalism position, something I have been training to do for the past three years, and I feel as though I'm not capable of doing it. The irony of the whole situation is quite hilarious when I have a chance to subside the butterflies. I'm even half tempted to take an internship in Georgia I was offered, because I'm scared to know whether or not I got the internship at RH. Is this a question of faith in myself or just the fact that I deeply feel called to the internship at RH?

On a lighter note, I can't wait to find out, so the butterflies can party elsewhere.