flat land, illinois

I wish I was here today. Peaceful. Calm. Gray.

Lovely. Even with my cold sniffles. 

breathe

I stepped outside the classroom door and slowly took another step forward breathing in. A breath that felt like my first in four months. A breath that felt like relief. It was a relief. It reminded me of stepping off a plane at the Long Beach airport into open air. Fresh, movable air. I felt movable. 

The past four months were a flurry of nervous questions, late night cups of coffee and stress. Now, it wasn't all that bad. In fact, it was fun. It was exciting to be back in a classroom and I now have 30 or so more people to love. And people who love me. And have loved me, well. 

Monday afternoon, I handed in my final exam, walked outside and chatted with now friends and approximately five minutes into the conversation exclaimed, "we can drink again!" I completed my first semester of graduate school at the Institute for Spiritual Formation, something I wasn't sure I could do four months ago. And after looking into my heart for four months, digging around and surfacing unknown thoughts and feelings, I could use a drink...or two (maybe not three) while off contract. 

Working full time and going to school is hard. Something seemingly obvious and known before I entered the semester, but I think I was a bit surprised. And I was more open. It wasn't like senior year when I was well over my head, but could be a 'survivor' (to an extent). Being in ISF is almost a calling to not be a 'survivor.' I was required to sit with God and think about my heart and life, something I desperately wanted and yet was sometimes so difficult. 

I am extremely thankful for this last semester. I never thought of myself as 'protected' in life. But I now more than ever realize how much God, not anyone else, but how God protected me growing up. And even how He was gentle with me this semester. I am the woman I am today solely because of Him and couldn't be more thankful.

I will breathe a little lighter through Christmas without the burden of prayer projects and books and working extra hours to make up for class time, but with a heavy knowledge of how much I owe, a good knowledge, one that I want to continue to learn to breathe with and for.  

cabbage

I feel like this today. A little fuzzy. Perhaps a little blurry even. Hoping my cold will magically disappear over night...

 

But Happy Rain! You, please stay. 

quoted

This may be completely self-serving, but I thought it was a bit fun when I googled my name tonight (admit it, you've done this before too) to see that I was a "Quote of the Moment" on this person's blog. Although, I do owe the fact that I was quoted at all to my friend, Brett, due to his article, Short Attention Span Faith, published in Relevant's September issue. I'm glad someone thinks I have something intelligent to contribute to this changing world. I'm usually quoting others in my own articles. :)

And for more fun, I was quoted as Biola's spokeswoman in this article published Saturday. Too funny. And since posts are always better with pictures, here is one of Wheaton's chapel, Brett's alma mater, from my trip to Illinois.

(You should definitely check out Brett's most recent post on hipster Christmas gifts...even if you have no hipster friends to buy for, the list is most entertaining.)

quarry imperfection

I have a love for imperfection. I like when things look a little handmade and when the flaw in something is actually why you love it. In actuality, imperfection actually resolves into perfection. It's really a choice of the mind, because when they meet in the middle, it's quite beautiful.

When I was in Illinois, Megan took me to the quarry. I say "the" because it is rightfully that wonderful and special. Here are some perfectly imperfect photos from our time there.

family

With Thanksgiving passed, I want to say I am thankful for family. I have been blessed with grandparents who live across the street and aunts and uncles who I grew up with taking me out on dates. I may say I wish I had a big family, but truly I wouldn't trade my family for the world. I am lucky we are small enough to be close and big enough to fill a dining table. And Thanksgiving only reinforced my love for them and family gatherings.

Here are a few photos from our fun Thanksgiving.

 

Half the spread...
My parents destuffing and carving the Turkey.
"The kids" chipping in on helping with the dishes.
My grandmere and I. I can't tell you how much I love her. 

photo of the day

So I've never done a photo of the day before, but I really wanted to post one today. This is one of my favorites from Chicago. I don't even know why I love it so much, but to me it's very prettiful. And yes, I am well aware that is not a word. :)

Have a lovely day!