it's a process

It was early. A saturday morning and slightly overcast. Kacey called and I hurriedly gathered the rest of my things to meet her at her car. We were going on retreat. My heart was a little flustered at what to feel. My mind knew this would be good. And my body so looked forward to sleep.

Late that evening after napping and walking briskly — without a need to — about town, I realized something. It had taken me the entire day to finally desire to begin processing life, my spiritual walk, and possibly the comfy bed I was lying in, with God. And I still couldn't.

My life often runs on a level equivalent to the high heat level of a hair dryer. I continue to live my life until it gets too hot, too heavy and I have to take a break, turn on the AC. Unfortunately, in life, that AC should be God, but it's often not. Through this realization, I also realized why I hadn't blogged often the past few months.

Writing is a process for me. It's a place to think about life, contemplate issues, take time to delight in the small things. And the last few months when I sat down to blog, it was as if my mind and soul said, "yay, it's time to process." And my body said, "now, I'm too tired to write and type." I didn't make space to process in between, hence my being overwhelmed every time I attempted to create space — in a too small of space.

As Kacey and I drove home two days later, I came home with a realization, not an entirely spiritual high experience, but a sense that God was revealing to me how much I really need to process with Him, to spend time with Him and to allow Him to work in my life whilst me processing. My mind was right — retreat was good and my heart eventually found a place to sit, the hard part is keeping it there.

Here are few photos from our time in Ocean Beach...